A memorial service, held indefinitely

In Loving MemoryDr. Death

Honoring the brave patients who came in for a checkup and were, in the end, thoroughly checked out.

35Patients memorialized
0Days since last incident
0Complaints from patients

The Wall of the Departed

Light a candle if you knew them.

R · I · P

Professor Wobbles

Lesser Spotted SnorgleSpecies unconfirmed

Presenting
Six legs, one eye, zero explanations
Exam
Dr. Death checked all six legs. Twice.
Outcome
Rolled away. Did not roll back.

"Blorp."

R · I · P

Sir Reginald Fluffington III

Alpaca, nobility

Presenting
Covered in wood shavings, staring into the middle distance
Prognosis
He knew. He heard the footsteps.
Outcome
Refused to make eye contact. Wise.

"I have seen the Doctor, and he is death."

R · I · P

Bacon Bit

Piglet, approximately 2 lb

Handling
Held tenderly for one (1) photo
Red flag
The smile. Look at the smile.
Survived by
Mom and the siblings in the background, who saw everything

"Oink?"

R · I · P

Bessie

Holstein, dairy division

Procedure
Full-arm examination, shoulder deep
Consent
Not obtained
Outcome
Dignity: deceased. Bessie: declined to comment.

"Moo (derogatory)."

R · I · P

Mr. Whiskers

Domestic shorthair, tabby

Position
Belly up, tied down, mask on
Doctor's note
"It's just a spay."
Outcome
Sources remain unconvinced

Used up all nine. Dr. Death made sure.

R · I · P

Lady Elsinore Longneck

Kansas Prairie WumpusSpecies unconfirmed

Presenting
Sore throat. All four feet of it.
Treatment
Throat swab, administered by ladder
Outcome
Ladder recovered. Patient did not.

Saw him coming from two counties away. Ran anyway.

R · I · P

Quackers McPrickles

Duck-billed HedgecatSpecies unconfirmed

Presenting
Meowed, quacked and stabbed, all at once
Handling
Three pairs of gloves. All shredded.
Outcome
Nine lives, one Dr. Death

"Mrrrquack."

R · I · P

Moolissa

Gelatinous Dairy GloopSpecies unconfirmed

Presenting
Translucent. Possibly always was.
Vitals
Pulse unclear. Patient also unclear.
Outcome
Set overnight in the fridge

Survived by a lime-flavored aftertaste.

RESERVED

Your Pet Here

Now accepting new patients

Walk-ins welcome. Walk-outs not guaranteed.

DR. DEATH
Official portrait. Note the steady hands. Note the absence of mercy.
About the attending

Meet Dr. Death

Large animal, small animal, camelid, and species science has not named yet. If it has a heartbeat, Dr. Death is qualified to discuss its future. He brings the same warm smile to every appointment, which the patients have described as the most frightening part.

Specialties
Large animal, small animal, last rites
Bedside manner
Final
Instruments
Hemostats, scalpel, stethoscope, an unsettling grin
Repeat patients
None on record
Follow-up visits
Not required
★★★★★

"Very gentle. Very thorough. Very final."

Owner of a former goldfish
★☆☆☆☆

"I just came in for a nail trim."

Review left from beyond
★★★★☆

"Lost a star because the wumpus saw it coming."

Concerned bystander